Title: she waits for the beep [happily ever after]
Author: [livejournal.com profile] duckytears
Rating: PG
Word Count: 652
Character/Pairing: Veronica
Summary: There are no happy endings, Veronica decides.
Spoilers/Warnings: Spoilers up to "I Am God" (2x18)
Disclaimer: They're not mine. They belong to Rob Thomas.
Author's Note: Because there are not enough stories about Veronica and her mother and because there should be many more.





There are times [Once upon a time] that she misses her mother so much that her lungs tighten and push all the air out of them. She can't breathe and she can't move; and she can't do anything but miss the woman that has birthed her.

Birthed her, period

- because there was not a thing else that Lianne Mars has done to her one and only daughter [there lived a young girl and her mother]. Maybe birthed her and chosen that she can't live some common life as a Neptune housewife (unless, as evidence has shown, that she has done exactly what most Neptune wives have done).

She thinks of examples: fairy tales and movies that never seem to coincide with real life, even if real life has always been stranger than fiction [and her mother promised tomorrow]. There are no happy endings, Veronica decides. The happy endings envisioning princes, horses and families that were together were only fodder to dreams that kept the many people all over the world alive who needed hope to survive. The so called myth spoke happily ever after included bright eyes and bushy tails was simply something to occupy the masses, but truth, and only truth, was what mattered. Cushioning and coddling serve no need to soften some blow or mark that she expects will be there tomorrow [and tomorrow, and tomorrow - forever on].

She creates lists - a small case file in a locked folder on her laptop. It titles The Veronica Mars Case and subtitles [but there was no tomorrow] people left her, why? Some days, she thinks it starts with Lilly and her death. They no longer talk in her dreams, but other dead people - bus crash victims - talk to her [the rainbows started to fade]. Truthfully, she knows her mother was long gone before she even thought of listing her pain. She can taste something bitter like bile in the back of her throat when she has to add someone to that list.

Duncan has a folder, listing inside is the excuse she makes up and gives him for leaving her and leaving with his daughter [and her prince forgot to dance with her at the ball]. It's selfless. It's easy. It's what she does. Hey, she's Veronica Mars and, despite an incredible amount of self focus and discipline, she is always there for everyone else. She is simply not her mother.

There are no unicorn music boxes or notes she writes in scribble drunken looped handwriting to serve as goodbyes she can never say. There is no drowning herself - dreaming herself dying - in vodka soaked cherries, but she still finds herself making correlations with her mother. While it's the only thing that makes her feel close to mom, it the only thing that makes her run from what life dictates for her [because her glass slipper broke]. I am not my mother's daughter.

I am not my mother's daughter. I am not my mother's daughter.
I am not my mother's daughter. I am not my mother's daughter.
I am not my mother's daughter.
[and her coach was turned back into a damn pumpkin]
I am not my mother's daughter.
I am not my mother's daughter. I am not my mother's daughter.
I am not my mother's daughter. I am not my mother's daughter.


She repeats and writes it in her smooth legible writing like Meg, Lizzie and Grace did with The path to God is paved with righteousness. She writes it until she believes it.

She picks up the phone and there is that voice - apologizing in the only way she can for taking fifty thousand, [she simply had to realize] her daughter's college money twice.

"Mom. Mom," Veronica starts, frozen. "Mom, don't."

The phone clicks [there is no such thing as happily ever after] and she waits for the beep.
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