the last girl and the last reason to make this last for as long as i could

• 02:53 Sob. I just totally scraped up my whole thigh by accident against my wood nightstand. #

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• 15:20 Haiiiiiircut. tinyurl.com/czafla #
• 16:28 @atomiceyes I love you and your mom. Family is the one you make <3 I send tons of hugs. #

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• 21:46 I am also a vampire hermit. #
• 13:31 It felt like Sunday all day yesterday & today feels like a Monday, but y'know, it's not. #
• 13:32 @atomiceyes I totally thought they were going to make Zak into Daniel. I thought that would have been AMAZING. #
• 13:33 @Dallas1526 Totally <3 It's an amazing series and not one I'm going to forget any time soon. #
• 14:44 @sweetest_potato Awesome! Have fun sweetie. #
• 14:45 @ibreathesarcasm You're making me want to rewatch Twilight #

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• 12:20 I'm so sick today. But BSG finale tonight. We got lots of snack foods and I'm naming them neat things. Tigh's Tirimisu, Hot Pilot Wings ;) #
• 12:29 @ibreathesarcasm Pegasus Stuffed Peppers, Papa Adama's Poppers, etc #
• 12:40 @sheslikemercury I have yet to see SPN but I saw most of the others. I just am about to finish Lost. #
• 12:47 @sheslikemercury Oooh. Email me that spoiler, please? I'm also about to watch Private Practice which I've been so in love with. #
• 12:52 @ibreathesarcasm It really is. And I even liked S1. S2 has just... blown me away. To be honest, I like it more than Grey's. #
• 12:56 @sheslikemercury oh my effing god. <3 I cannot wait for that episodeeeeeeee. #
• 12:58 @sheslikemercury LOL I think Grey's went entirely downhill (it's getting better now) & PP just got better and better. I love the actors too. #
• 12:59 Wisdom Teeth consult in a hour and a half. :/ #
• 13:04 @ibreathesarcasm I have the opinion that the show got terrible. I didn't abandon it. It got to be miserable to watch. S1/2 was amazing. #
• 13:06 @sheslikemercury LOL. I know it's not popular, but Juliet is so my favorite and then Daniel <3 SIGH LOVE THEM. #
• 13:06 @ibreathesarcasm @superstarweirdo TY. <3 I'm not looking forward to it, but I need to get ALL four taken out. I'm hoping to do it soon. #
• 13:07 @sheslikemercury GA has been much better, but I still feel kind of blah about it. If the mood strikes, I would try some S2 PP. #
• 13:11 @superstarweirdo AB made me cry in that episode. She was so good. I can't remember the actress' name but I love Violet like SO much. #
• 13:20 @superstarweirdo PP! Though <3 Felicia Day is freaking awesome. #
• 13:52 @sheslikemercury Sigh Charlotte <3 And ty. I'm nervous about being put to sleep. The last time that happened I was 5 and it scarred me. #
• 14:49 @sheslikemercury @ibreathesarcasm @wheressars April 17th is the day I get them removed. Doctor's really nice. LOL shortest appointment ever. #
• 14:52 @wheressars I'm just watching the latest PP episode. It is awesome <3 It's very awesome in TV land lately. My guilty pleasure is Gossip Girl #
• 15:24 So, I just started last night's SPN and already I'm like helllloooo slash. #
• 15:38 Regarding SPN again vaguely: WHAT THE EFFING F. #
• 15:53 @ibreathesarcasm @sheslikemercury NOT SAM/DEAN. #
• 15:57 @wheressars LOL even though this whole thing is like a sausage fest. #
• 15:58 @sheslikemercury Who doesn't want to have sex with Castiel? #
• 16:06 Dean and Sam are super straight. They are. There is no getting around it which is why any incest fanfiction is OOC. #
• 16:14 @ibreathesarcasm @wheressars Most of the fandom ships them, but they aren't the characters I love when they're taken to that degree. #
• 18:21 @wrongheaven I didn't watch it but my dad did. No spoilers, he says. #

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• 21:35 @avecvu Jack Bauer will complete the objective. #
• 17:29 Memory Foam Mattress Topper <3 Yay. #

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• 22:29 So, Watchmen? Is it good? #
• 13:02 @bana76 I will totally expect an obligatory yay or nay e-mail. I've heard both bad and good things about it without being spoiled. #
• 13:11 Your voice is worth it. #
• 13:22 Sometimes I think I'd be living in a cave as a hermit if not for my friends. Seriously. I get all my info from you guys and google. #
• 13:23 I should probably change my userpic. So I'm not mistaken for Sam Winchester. :P #
• 13:32 @superstarweirdo Sometimes I actually want to be but then I realize that I'd rather be a vampire. Which is weird cause 1 is real, 1 is not. #
• 13:33 @kimela Thank you! <3 #
• 13:34 @wheressars This is the first time I've heard of a group of hermits, but I'm game. #
• 13:35 @superstarweirdo Win. Will you join my hermit vampire forces? #
• 13:37 @atomiceyes If you joined the hermit vampire forces you wouldn't need sleep! #
• 13:41 I am sad that I must stop tweetering on twitter to go to school. :( #
• 13:44 @atomiceyes I'll be back in an hour. LOL like noon your time. And you better be awake ;) Our time schedules suck. #
• 13:45 @superstarweirdo I wish I could bake a cake filled with rainbows and smiles and everyone would eat and be happy. #
• 13:47 @atomiceyes *hugs* Mine too. #
• 13:47 @superstarweirdo Is that an order? :P #
• 15:21 @atomiceyes @superstarweirdo @wheressars LOL CLASS WAS CANCELED. #
• 15:35 @Dollsome Go you! I was thinking of cutting off a bunch of hair too. #
• 16:06 Oh my effing god. This Gossip Girl spoilery pic: spoilertv.iimmgg.com/image/e8371b568f36eab5bd4fca741001ebd4 #
• 17:23 Mmm. Making Shrimp Scampi. #

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• 00:55 I can hear a sound only audible to young people, can you? trainhorns.net/sound/ #

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I thought everything was going to be okay. That by the time this happened, I'd know what to do. I'd know how to breathe. I'd know how to keep moving on. The world doesn't stop. It never stops. It keeps spinning, even though she's not here.

I don't understand how this all happens. How we do this. I don't. I don't know how to be okay anymore.

Everyone asks how you are. Everyone says they're sorry and, God, I do appreciate it, but there is no okay and words have stopped meaning anything. There words for the feeling. It's just this aching gaping hole where there used to be something vital. And then moments of silence. Where I'm not even there. Where people talk to me and I don't hear them, because it's just a string of moments. A string of moments that don't mean anything because she's not here.

I think if I just stop that everything is going to pass me by. That it'll mean that she's really gone. That I'll forget how she smelled or what her favorite flowers were or how she loved Love Story. That I might forget. That I might just forget.

I'm furious with her for this. And I don't even feel that anymore. Maybe it's not about being furious, but completely and utterly heartbroken that she couldn't love me more than she hated herself. It feels this worse this way. It feels so much worse this way. I wanted her to hold on for me. For me or anyone else, but just to hold on.

She'll never see me graduate or get married or have children. Or any of the other things she's supposed to be there for. There's nothing in this life that can fill that hole. Life will go on, but she won't.

I love you, mom. I love you more than anything. I won't ever be whole without you.

---

Thank you all for the kind words, kind words, phone calls, e-mails, comments, everything, right now I'm not in any shape to reply. You all are amazing people and I couldn't do this without you. The best thing you can do for me, do in honor of my mother, is write about Anorexia Awareness in your journals and pass it around. Keep it going. Whether it be a memory of someone you know, my memory or information. But keep it going. Post it in any communities that allow it. Leave a link here of any posts you make or see. There are wonderful websites out there for information and, if you can, donate to NEDA.

My mother was 52 years old. She was 52 years old and less than 50 pounds. This is more than a tragedy, it's a catastrophe.

This entry will be left public for those who want to link to it. If you want to share your experiences, everything, with me.

I love you all.

Thank you,
Heidi Robinson

P.S. An extra thanks to my friends atomic_eyes and shamoogity who have already started making posts.

• 22:02 I would lose all respect for mother figures entirely were it not for my best friend's mother and my former piano teacher. They saved me. #

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• 16:36 Come on, paper. Write yourself! #

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